As a Christian woman, how do you make sense of your sexuality and sexual temptations? Questions about desire, pornography, masturbation, sex outside of marriage, or even struggles within marriage can feel confusing and deeply personal. It’s scary to open up about these issues, not to mention confusing at times to know what’s right. The world around us is loud with persuasive voices that tell us God’s truth doesn’t matter anymore.
Each of us interprets life, including issues of identity and sexuality, through a particular lens. That lens may be shaped by our experiences, our feelings, trusted friends, social media, or other online messages. But none of those voices designed us. None of them created sex or understands it perfectly. God did. And even more, he loves and knows you perfectly!
The Bible teaches that our Creator alone has the authority to define what leads to human flourishing. His Word doesn’t merely establish rules; it reveals the loving design of the One who made us. If we want to understand our sexuality—and our struggles—we must begin with him and the truth of Scripture.
Created by God, for God
Genesis teaches that God created the world and everything in it according to his good purposes. Colossians 1 reminds us that all things were created through Jesus and for him. Likewise, Psalm 24 declares that “the earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”
That includes us.
Our bodies, desires, relationships, hopes, disappointments, and sexuality all belong to God because he created them. This truth challenges the popular message that fulfillment comes from defining truth for ourselves. Culture tells us, “Live your truth.” Scripture invites us into something far better: knowing the One who is Truth himself.
Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). Christianity isn’t a list of rules or a set of doctrines to confine and tell us what not to do; it’s about a real relationship with Jesus. Through the Holy Spirit, Jesus comes to make a home in us (John 14:23), loving, guiding, strengthening, and transforming us from the inside out. Because we belong to him, he alone—not our feelings or culture—becomes the lens through which we understand every area of life, including our struggles with sexuality.
Sin Has Broken What God Created Good
The Bible is equally honest about why sexuality often feels so confusing: Sin has affected everything. Our hearts have been broken by suffering, our desires are disordered, our thinking is easily shaped by antibiblical messages, and we live in a world impacted by sin at every turn. This brokenness touches every aspect of sexuality—our bodies, attractions, behaviors, and even the ways people wound us.
That is precisely why Jesus came.
He came to rescue sinners, heal broken hearts, remove shame, and set us free from sin’s power. And he does this not as a faraway Savior but as our ever-present, indwelling Friend. His transformation begins in the heart and gradually changes the way we think, desire, and live.
I’ve had a front-row seat to his work in the lives of so many women. One woman found that as she grew in Christ, a long-standing compulsion toward masturbation gradually lost its grip on her. Another ended a twenty-year same-sex relationship because she wanted to follow Jesus wholeheartedly. The decision brought profound grief and loss, but it also produced a freedom and peace she had not experienced in years. Letting go of her girlfriend led to embracing community and friendship through her local church.
Repentance is costly and often quite inconvenient. Yet surrendering to Christ always leads toward what our hearts really long for: freedom, genuine love, and true life.
Jesus Meets Women in Their Brokenness
When Jesus began his public ministry, he announced that he was the fulfillment of Isaiah 61: the One sent to proclaim good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, and set captives free.
This is exactly how he interacted with women throughout the Gospels. He engaged with the Samaritan woman living in sexual brokenness and revealed himself to her. He healed the woman who had suffered years of physical illness and hopelessness. He took a dead little girl by the hand and told her to rise up, making her alive through his touch.
Jesus never ignored sin, but neither did he label or shame women because of it. Like his Father, he moved toward them with compassion and truth, bringing hope that their lives could be different, that in his power they could walk away from their sin.
The same Savior still welcomes and transforms women today.
Our Identity Is Found in Christ
Sexual temptation often promises something deeper than physical pleasure. It offers identity, acceptance, excitement, significance, or the hope of finally feeling loved.
If you feel unseen, attention from another person can become intoxicating. If you’re lonely, pornography or online relationships may promise a sense of community. If you’re hurting, sexual sin can provide a momentary escape.
But these promises never satisfy.
Jesus offers something infinitely better: himself.
Scripture reminds believers:
- In Christ, you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).
- You are loved with the Father’s love (John 15:9).
- You belong to God (Isaiah 43:1).
- There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
These truths become anchors when temptation or cultural pressure tells us to seek identity elsewhere. Jesus defines us not by our sin, our desires, or what has been done to us, but by his redeeming love.
Jesus Gives Us Power to Change
The Christian life is not powered by willpower alone. God does not simply command holiness and leave it up to us to change our lives. Through our union with Christ, the Holy Spirit empowers believers to grow in obedience.
As Paul writes in Galatians 2:20, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”
Real change is often gradual rather than instantaneous. As we repeatedly turn toward Christ in repentance and faith, he reshapes our desires, renews our minds, and produces lasting transformation. The same Jesus who welcomed broken women in the Gospels continues to meet his people today through his Spirit, Word, and the community of his people, the church.
Taking the Next Step
Following Jesus in the area of sexuality is impossible apart from his grace, but it is not impossible with him. It starts with one step in his direction.
A helpful place to begin is simply admitting your need. Scripture promises, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Proverbs 28:13). Bringing struggles into the light before God and a trusted believer is often the first step toward lasting freedom.
Second, intentionally pursue biblical discipleship. Patterns of sin don’t grow overnight or out of nowhere. You need help to unpack how you got to where you are today, and God has helpers to journey with you.
Finally, pray. Ask God for hope, courage, and faith to believe that lasting change is possible through the gospel. Temptation may remain, but it does not have the final word.
The Christian life certainly involves denying ourselves, but it is ultimately about our relationship with Jesus. We belong to a Savior who loves us, walks with us, and is preparing an eternal home where sin, shame, confusion, and brokenness will be no more.
That is the hope Jesus offers every woman who comes to him.
Sexual Wholeness for Women
Ellen Mary Dykas, helps women move from shame and brokenness to healing and wholeness. This 12-session workbook, designed for use in discipleship relationships and small groups, will help women gain a deeper understanding of God’s good design for sexuality and the heart issues that are intertwined with their struggles. They will gain hope as they learn how finding their identity in Christ moves them away from harmful patterns toward lasting change in their thoughts, actions, and relationships.
