I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. . . .
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
~ Philippians 4:11, 13
The Four Ds of Discontent
Grumbling and complaining is a common struggle for children. As parents we want to shepherd our children toward gratitude and contentment. The transformation from grumbling to gratitude, from complaining to contentment, comes as we help our children trust in the Lord’s care when they are disappointed. And of course, along the way, we can be learning to do the same. Helping your child with grumbling and complaining begins by understanding the Four Ds of Discontent:
Desire
As human beings made in the image of God, we all have desires and wants. Scripture points to our hearts as the source of those desires (Proverbs 4:23; Hebrews 4:12). Some of your children’s desires will be for good things, and because we have hearts shaped by sin, some of those desires will be for bad things—like Manny wanting everything to his liking. Understanding what your child wants (whether good or bad) is the first step in getting to the heart of their grumbling.
Disappointment
What happens when we want something and don’t get it? We are disappointed. Having unfulfilled desires is especially hard if what we want is inherently good (Proverbs 13:12).
Doubt
Things really go off track when desire and disappointment are coupled with doubts about God’s goodness, love, and wisdom. At the heart of discontent is the thought, “God is holding out on me.” Complaining children have trouble trusting that God—or their parents—are working for good on their behalf.
Demand
Unchecked disappointment and doubt lead to demand. “I really need this.” And “I know best, you don’t.” Outer expressions like anger, tantrums, pouting, and whining come from a demanding heart (Luke 6:43–45).
How to Grow as a Family in Gratitude and Contentment
- Express your love for your children and remind them of God’s love for them. The generous heart of our Father is an antidote to discontentment for both children and parents (Romans 8:32). Remind your children that your motivation is to love them wisely because God has put you in charge of their well-being. Just as God (mercifully) does not give us everything we want, the same is true of good parents.
- Try to understand why your children are grumbling and complaining. Ask them, “What did you want?” “Was that a good thing to want in God’s eyes?” “What were you hoping for?” “Why does it make you sad not to have that?”
- Help them express disappointment to you and to God respectfully. It’s okay to be sad and to wish something were different, and then to talk with you and with God about it. We see this modeled in many psalms. This may also involve repentance for sinful desires or disappointment that has morphed into demand.
- Help your children see that the secret of contentment is relying on Jesus. The apostle Paul essentially says in Philippians 4:11–13, “I’ve learned how to be okay when things are going well and when they’re not—because Jesus is always with me and gives me the strength I need.” So, we ask for his help.
Suggestions for Encouraging a Family Culture of Contentment
- Regularly remember together what God has done in your life as a family. This includes the chief blessing of salvation through Jesus Christ, but also note the earthly blessings he has given you and your children over the past week, month, and year(s).
- Along these lines, consider building an “Ebenezer” (a stone memorial) as an ongoing family project. (See 1 Samuel 7:12.) As you add stones periodically to acknowledge blessings of the Lord, it becomes a visible reminder of God’s faithfulness especially on the days when disappointment over unfulfilled desires may tempt your children toward frustration and complaining. Mrs. Turtle’s idea was similar!
- As a parent, model prayers that are full of gratitude. Calling to mind the goodness of God in small and large ways naturally leads to thanksgiving.
- Receive each day as a gift from God—“This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24). While we do not have the guarantee of a disappointment-free day, we do have the promise that every day was handcrafted by our wise, loving, and generous Father (Psalm 139:16).
- Own instances of your own grumbling and complaining. Confess them as sin to your children and to God and rejoice that you are forgiven (1 John 1:9).
- Pray with and for your children about this struggle. The battle against complaining is a spiritual battle. God is the one who changes grumbling hearts to grateful ones as we grow to trust him more.
We can’t promise our children that life will go smoothly. But we do offer them something better: a Savior who meets them in every disappointment, who forgives them when they grumble, and who helps them grow in trust that leads to contentment.
The above content was adapted from Manny and the Garden of Gratitude © 2026 by Michael R. Emlet. May not be reproduced without prior written permission.
Manny and the Garden of Gratitude
Manny Mole has everything he needs, but not quite everything he wants, exactly how he wants it. Instead of enjoying what he has, Manny often complains and fails to see the good around him, even though his family points out all there is to be thankful for. He can’t think of a single thing to paint on his stone for the meadow’s Garden of Gratitude. But when a storm destroys his family’s home, Manny starts to appreciate all of God’s blessings and decides exactly what to add to his stone.
