The first night we sat down to dinner—my husband, our two sons, and me—after my daughter left for college, I lost it. Her empty seat at the table undid me. It didn’t feel right without her beside me, without her filling the conversation with every detail from her day—the same child who could fill a ten-hour drive home from camp with stories. And without another female at the table, the whole dynamic shifted.
I realized pretty quickly that, without her, our conversations would now revolve almost entirely around sports. I love sports, so it wasn’t exactly a hardship, but it did mean I had to keep up or risk being left behind. Not just at the table, but in the rhythm of our home. It was my chance to fully embrace my “boy mom” status. And, over time, I did. I got used to her empty seat. I got used to our new normal.
Somewhere along the way, I began to recognize that this letting go—this ache I felt sitting at the table—was part of God’s good design. From the beginning, we were meant to be raising children who would one day leave us, step into their own lives, and become who he created them to be (Genesis 2:24). As hard as her absence felt, it wasn’t something going wrong. This was right. Our security was never meant to rest in a full table, but in a faithful Savior. And he who calls us to release our children is the One who will never release us.
But then it was time to send our next one off.
And then there were three
Another empty seat, and our family of five was down to three.
Like the first college sendoff, our first son’s departure took some adjusting. Thankfully, our youngest didn’t mind the extra attention, and those two years with just him were a sweet season. But before we knew it, it was his turn to go too. And the season I had dreaded most was before me.
Just the two of us
Just two places set at the table—my husband at one end, me at the other.
The quiet house echoed with their absence. At first all we could talk about were our children. How could we not? For over twenty years, kids filled our home—not just our kids, but their friends too. Our schedules were shaped by their activities. Our identities were deeply rooted in our role as parents.
This new chapter required a reordering.
After decades of sitting across from each other, we moved our seats so we were side by side. It became a quiet reminder that this season of loss could also be a season of renewal—for our marriage.
In the busyness of parenthood, marriage can easily take a backseat. Whether that’s been your story or not, this empty nest season brings the gift of time. With fewer demands pulling us in different directions, we found ourselves with more evenings at home together. But we also implemented what we dubbed “ABC dating” as an intentional way to connect. Starting with the letter A and working through the alphabet, we choose a restaurant or activity that begins with that letter for each date night. It gets us out of the house, breaking us out of routine, and invites a sense of fun and adventure we didn’t realize we had been missing.
Finding a renewed purpose
The empty nest season brings another area into focus—especially for moms: identity and purpose. After years of pouring ourselves into raising children, we can all of the sudden feel purposeless when they have left home. A little lost. Unsure where we fit without them in the home. But here is the good news: Our identity and purpose were never meant to be confined to our role as parents. As children of God (1 John 3:1), we belong to him and were created in Christ Jesus for good works God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10)!
We have lived out those good works in parenting, but God’s purposes for us don’t end there. The end of childrearing may be the close of a chapter, but it is not the closing chapter. Rather, it is an invitation into something new. And after four years of empty nesting, I can say this with confidence: A quiet house does not mean an empty life. There is still purpose. There is still joy!
If you don’t know what that looks like yet, you are not alone. Ask God to open your eyes to new opportunities to use your unique gifting, and trust that he is already at work preparing what comes next.
For us, two seats at the table is now our normal. And when everyone is home, we can barely fit—our three have become five with two spouses added to the family.
A quiet table and a full one—I love them both. The same is true of my home. Whether empty or full, there is joy in both. Losing and gaining. Coming and going. Joy and grief—they walk together. And through it all, it is well with my soul.
Learn more about Kristen Hatton’s Parenting Beyond: For the Parent Who’s About to Send them to College workshop.
parenting Ahead: Preparing Now for the Teen Years
Parenting Ahead helps parents with younger children build a foundation for their family based on biblical principles for the teen years to come. Readers will learn to practice redemptive parenting where their children grow to see the world through a gospel lens based on biblical truth.
