Have you ever heard someone say, “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it”? As Christians, we know that nothing could be further from the gospel. This statement says, first, “Your problems are irreversible, so you are stuck in your own mess.” And second, “You are totally on your own.” In other words, don’t expect help from anybody! If things are going to change, you had better find a way to fix them yourself.
Joe was single, lonely, and very angry with people who had been part of his life. He always felt used by others and had become very cynical about the possibility of meaningful friendships. He felt especially betrayed by Christians who shunned him because of several socially unacceptable habits.
Joe was not doing well spiritually. He had cut himself off from other people, and yet he had a deep desire for someone to understand him. Whenever he sought help with his problems, he was given sound biblical counsel about how he needed to think, believe, and respond to his problems—how he needed to change as an individual.
Joe lived within a profound tension. He did not like other people, but he had made human companionship his primary object of worship. He would avoid others and yet complain that others did not care for him. Well-intentioned helpers saw his relationship idolatry, and mistakenly avoided calling him to a community of friends who could help him grow. It was like saying, “Because you have made an idol of food, don’t eat!”
Joe was understandably confused and bitter. He needed help. He needed to change and take responsibility for his responses to life’s problems. But he also needed a community of friends where he could find hope and encouragement, along with challenging, honest, and loving accountability. Sadly, he was not being encouraged to pursue such redemptive friendships.
What does Joe need? He needs to know that when Christ brings us into the family of God, we are never alone again, no matter how much of a mess we have made of our lives! Yet many Christians latch onto the hope of personal change in a starkly individualistic way. Many helpers fail to move struggling people into the rich context of redemptive relationships. Instead, they cling to the arid individualism of our society. They have a “Jesus and me” mind-set as they battle sin and seek to become more like Christ. At first we might think, Why not? After all, getting involved with people is complicated and time-consuming. Who needs it? I could be reading my Bible and praying! Spending time with other people is not very efficient!
But God has a bigger—and, quite frankly, messier and less efficient—plan. Change is something God intends his people to experience together. It’s a corporate goal. What God does in individuals is part of a larger story of redemption that involves all of God’s people through the ages. You, Joe, and every other believer are already part of the story and part of the family. That is the context in which personal change takes place. Change within community is counterintuitive to the way we often think, but Scripture clearly presents it as God’s way of making us more like Christ.
Living in Community Like God Himself
Have you ever wondered why living in community is so important? Your immediate response probably emphasizes the personal benefits of good friendships. While these are valuable, the most important reason for community is the reality that God himself lives in community! Does that sound strange? It shouldn’t. God lives in community with himself! Father, Son, and Holy Spirit live in perfect harmony, love, and unity. We begin our discussion about the importance of community where all good theology begins: with God. When we do, it radically alters the way we think about relationships. They become God-centered and not people-centered.
Everything each person of the Trinity is and does is always in union with the others. We were made in the image of this glorious God. Is it any wonder, then, that this deep longing for intimacy and relationship is woven into the fabric of our nature? Human beings long to connect because that is what they were made for. With the entrance of sin, this longing was corrupted and easily becomes idolatrous. Because of sin, we long to find all of our hope for relationship in other human beings. If we don’t get what we want out of those relationships, we often do hurtful, sinful things. Our approach to relationships is often self-centered.
But God is a redeeming God who does something utterly amazing to reconcile us to himself and others. The gospel opens the door to friendships where we can be conformed into the very image of Christ. When talking about this new community, the church, Paul clearly has this in view. In Ephesians 4:1–6, Paul turns from talking about our great salvation in chapters 1–3 to the new human community we have been brought into. He begins to instruct the church about the practical out-working of the gospel in everyday life and relationships:
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called—one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. (Ephesians 4:1–6)
In light of the great grace of God, Paul calls members of this new community to enter into relationships with their Christian brothers and sisters in humility, gentleness, patience, and forbearance. He urges the church to be vigilant to keep the unity of the Spirit; he does not tell them to create it, because it is already a fact. When you trust in Christ, you are immediately welcomed into fellowship with the source of love, the triune God, and with his family, the church. In light of that, spare no effort to make sure your relationships reflect the unity and love of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It all begins, continues, and will end with God at the center.
Paul grounds this call to community in the redemptive work of the Trinity. Notice how the word one is used in verses 4–6. Each use is attached to a member of the Trinity. There is one Spirit at work in one body. There is one Lord through whom we have one hope, faith, and baptism. There is one Father who is over one family, the church. All of the blessings are ours because of what the Trinity has done in creation and redemption.
Belonging to God’s Family
When we place our trust in the work of Father, Son, and Spirit to make us acceptable in his presence and revoke our own attempts to make ourselves acceptable before God, he graciously forgives our sins. He also adopts us as his children. So often, the blessing of adoption is seen only through an individualistic lens: I am a child of God. This is true, but your adoption goes beyond an individual blessing. You have been adopted into a new family. The blessing of adoption is both individual and corporate. When my wife and I adopted our fourth child, he not only got a mother and father, but three older siblings! He became an important part of a larger social group, his family.
When the apostle Paul was discipling new believers, he repeatedly reminded them that there was help in Christ and in Christ’s people. This is reflected in Ephesians 2:14–22, where Paul tells them that they are part of something bigger than themselves.
For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.
What is God seeking to produce in his people? He intends us to be people who are moving toward each other in community. He removed all the barriers so that we can be people who hope, love, worship, and serve together. It is very important to him.
It is impossible to read this passage and come away with the idea that Christianity is a “just me and God” religion. Have you ever heard someone say, “Yes, I am a Christian, but I don’t go to church. Why do I need that when I have the Lord?” Or, “What is most important is my personal devotion to Christ, not the church.” The Bible never separates the two. Our salvation connects us to God and his people. It is not an either-or but a both-and arrangement. It is not just in heaven that we will be united around the throne of God. Our personal relationship with Christ unites us to believers now!
Notice how Paul brings this out. He says that God has “destroyed the barrier to create in himself one new man.” We are “fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household.” We are “being built together to become a dwelling place in which God lives.” We can’t become the Christians we are meant to be by being alone with God. This is not God’s intent. What we become, we become together.
We tend to read the Bible through such individualistic lenses that we need to be encouraged to see the strong social themes that are throughout the entire Bible. In the Old Testament, God clearly says, “I will be your God and you will be my people.” The “you” is plural. When Paul and other New Testament writers address the body of Christ, their words are most frequently directed to the church as a whole. In Romans 12:1–2, a passage that is often applied only to the individual Christian, Paul urges the church to “present your bodies [somata (plural)] as a living sacrifice [thysian (singular)].” Isn’t it interesting that he calls all the individuals who make up the church to present themselves corporately before God as a living sacrifice?
Think about your closest relationships: your spouse, parents, children, or small group. What needs to change so that you can form more meaningful relationships with the people who are already in your life? American culture may idolize the Lone Ranger and Superman as heroes who right wrongs and ride out of town alone, but that solitary approach to life and change is utterly foreign to Scripture. In fact, the Bible sees it as weakness rather than strength! The person of character, according to Scripture, will have genuine friendships and be a genuine friend. After all, isn’t that the essence of the second great commandment to “love your neighbor”? When we are adopted into God’s family, we have many new brothers and sisters to love!
Yet this is not simple. Being involved with people is time consuming, messy, and complicated. From our point of view it is inefficient, but from God’s point of view it is the best way to encourage growth in grace. Our value system collides with God’s, but his means for bringing about change in us is best. That means we will have to make time for these kinds of friendships to emerge and grow. We will have to be realistic too. Close relationships make it more likely that you will sin against someone or that someone will sin against you. There will need to be times of confession and forgiveness. There will be times when you will need to serve someone, even though you feel you lack the resources. There will also be times when you will be served! That may not sound like a challenge, but if you are proud, it is the last thing you want!
These are the very reasons why community is such a big part of God’s plan to transform us into the image of Christ. Living in community pushes us to die to ourselves. There will be times when loving others and allowing others to serve and love us will feel like death, but this is the pathway to real life in Christ. The more we understand our own hearts, the more we see that it takes a work of God’s grace to transform self-absorbed individuals into a community of love. Being in redemptive relationships shows us our need for change and helps bring it about!
How People Change
What does it take for lasting change to take root in your life? If you’ve ever tried, failed, and wondered what you could do differently, you need to read How People Change. Biblical counseling experts Timothy S. Lane and Paul David Tripp explain the biblical pattern for change in a clear, practical way you can apply to the challenges of daily life.
