Being a Living Sign

Back when my husband was a youth pastor we took to the streets with teenagers and did street dramas. The stories we told had crazy and sometimes scary (think Satan) characters. There were props (think coffins), clowns, and even ballet. We always drew a crowd because people love seeing stories acted out (although some parents ushered their children away quickly).   

As we go through Passion week, there is a lot of street theatre happening worldwide, with people reenacting the story of Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection. However, no reenactment can fully capture the fear, terror, anger, and despair of the first Good Friday. Those who were there didn’t know that resurrection was coming. Thus no performance can truly capture the bewilderment, excitement, and joy of resurrection morning, when grief was wiped away in an instant.

Jesus stepped into the worst suffering anyone has ever experienced, and all of it was undeserved. He paid for our lives with his life. Now, all who come to him in faith are guaranteed to live forever with him. When I understood that Jesus’s story was mine—that I could be forgiven and free of guilt—I felt my world turn right side up. Life made sense. My problems were solved!

In an eternal sense that was of course true, but in a life-on-earth-sense, things were about to get real. Because following Jesus means following the trajectory of his life—taking up our cross; dying to our own plans, expectations, and desires; and saying daily “not my will but yours be done.” I found out that the devil wasn’t just a scary character in a street drama but was real and intent on destroying faith—my faith and the faith of others.  He doesn’t play fair either. He attacks what we love the best—family, health, church, comfort, identity. You name it, he has a strategy.

But then there is resurrection. We turn to Jesus in trouble and his Spirit helps us to walk and talk like him. We forgive, we return good for evil, we are faithful in small things, we help the needy, and we share our faith. That’s what resurrection looks like this side of heaven.

And, because people love a story, they are watching our reenactment of the cross and resurrection. They notice that Jesus is doing something unusual, something other-worldly in our lives. We saw this in our son Gabe’s life and death. He was born with neurofibromatosis (NF), a genetic disease that often results in benign tumors growing throughout the body. Gabe endured major surgeries and drugs to cope with his tumors, and finally he seemed stable. He had his own business, worked hard, fell in love, and became a Christian.

Then the unthinkable happened, the doctors discovered cancer throughout his body. As Gabe faced a scary diagnosis one of the first things he did was write a letter to each of us telling us about his faith. Here is how his letter to me started:

I write this to you with a heavy heart. I want to apologize as a son and someone who truly loves you. Emotions have been hard for me my entire life and that has affected my relationships with everybody. I failed to let the people who love me most truly know me, for I did not fully know myself. The stuff I am going through right now is hard but miraculously God has been changing me so much that I feel like a whole new person. I am happier and freer than I can ever remember. It has given me time to reflect, and I really want to share this with my family and work on creating the relationships I always desired but didn’t know how to accomplish.

That summer we saw Gabe suffer one setback after another. Yet his faith never failed. We cried together, prayed together, and believed together. Three months after his diagnosis Jesus called his name and he was home. But not before his hospital room was filled with friends who saw a living picture of following Jesus all the way to the cross. And at his funeral his wife told us that Gabe wanted most of all to have his friends hear about Jesus. And 2000 or so did. The resurrection we saw that day wasn’t what we had wanted. We wanted Gabe to be with us, whole and healthy, but it was a true resurrection nonetheless.

After the funeral someone said to me, “Well at least you have your faith.” And since it had been a long day, I cut right to the chase and said, “All I have is the cross and the resurrection. I know my Savior died, so he understands my grief and I know he really rose from the dead, so I know Gabe is safe and sound.” That’s still all I have and it’s still the only path—the cross and the resurrection, and one day glory.

Happy Easter. Christ is risen. He is risen indeed.

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