As Christians, we are never promised that life will be without its heartaches and pain. We experience loss in many forms: the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship for one reason or another, the loss of financial security, the loss of health, or the loss of a dream. All are a part of our broken world and will be until Christ comes again. But we have a hope! Through him, we have the hope of heaven where there will be no tears, no sadness, and no loss.
In this post, we share comfort and encouragement both from scripture and some of our authors to help in times of grief and sorrow. For further reading on the topic, click any book title to learn more.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 NIV
Early in our grief process, we aren’t yet ready to accept that there’s a purpose for our suffering. And we certainly don’t want to hear that our loss is for the best. When my high school friend died in a terrible accident, I wasn’t ready to hear how God would use it for good. Nor did I feel ready to believe God would bring good out of the deaths of my closest friend, or my mom, or my grandchild. When the loss is fresh, you need to feel it. Even knowing He would raise Lazarus, Jesus wept for and with his grieving family.
Eternal perspective takes time to sink in. Be patient with yourself, and ask God to open your heart to His precious truths. We need that blood-bought hope of Romans 8:28—the assurance that our heartbreaks are not meaningless tragedies, but one day, even if not till we see His face, we will see God’s hand in what once seemed senseless.
~ Randy Alcorn in Grieving with Hope
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8 NLT
Your tears are important to God. They must be. He collects them in a bottle. Tears are a gift from God, a means to embracing your pain, releasing emotion, and revealing the depth of your love. Poetically, if God collects all the tears you cry during your life’s journey, if he keeps track of all your sorrows, then surely he cares about them. He is aware of what causes them. God records them all in his book!
Psalm 56 is a lament, a passionate expression of grief. In this case, it’s a musical expression of deep sorrow and humble prayer. As such, David turns toward God and begins with a simple plea, “Be gracious to me, O God” (Psalm 56:1). However, as he pleads with God for sustaining grace, David also draws strength from the assurance of divine care and protection. “This I know, that God is for me,” he reminds himself (Psalm 56:9).
~ Paul Tautges in A Small Book for the Hurting Heart
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and
acquainted with grief and as one from whom men hide
their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.
Isaiah 53:3–4 ESV
What a bittersweet description of the one who is acquainted with every facet of our grief: “man of sorrows.” Jesus did not receive the title because he was a man who merely knew what it was to cry; he was a man of sorrows because he truly knew what it was to suffer.
There was not one part of my suffering that Jesus couldn’t understand. He could walk with me through my deepest sorrows because he was the ultimate sufferer, the truest man of sorrows that has ever walked upon the earth. Jesus’s suffering led him all the way to the cross. As the following verse in Isaiah says, “But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).
~ Jackie Gibson in You Are Still a Mother
For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet.
The last enemy to be destroyed is death.
1 Corinthians 15:25–26 ESV
We all feel death’s wrenching finality. Death is so wrong, so completely out of step with life as God planned it. The apostle Paul could think of no better word for it than “enemy.” Death is the enemy of everything good and beautiful about life as God planned it. Death should make you morally sad and righteously angry. It is a cruel indicator that the world is broken; it is not functioning according to God’s original design. In his plan, life was to give way to life, on into eternity.
It is biblical to treat death as the sad, unnatural thing it actually is. God encourages you to mourn. Death was simply not meant to be. When you recognize this, you will hunger for the complete restoration of all things. You will long to live with the Lord in a place where the last enemy—death—has been defeated.
~ Paul Tripp in Grief
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18 NIV
The temptation to doubt God’s presence and love in the wake of tragedy is strong. You may be wondering if God has forgotten you or if his love for you has failed in some way. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. The Bible characterizes Jesus, the Son of God and second member of the Trinity, as a despised and rejected man of sorrows who is familiar with grief (Isaiah 53:3). Just when God seems most distant and unloving, Scripture reminds us that Jesus was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” before his arrest, trial, and crucifixion (Matthew 26:38). He asked his disciples to keep watch with him as he prayed, but they abandoned him to catch some sleep instead. However, Jesus is not like his disciples. He will not abandon you when you are overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of despair. Jesus, who knows what it is to be abandoned in the face of suffering, will never leave you alone.
Rather than leaving us to suffer in solitude, God comes to meet us. Jesus entered into creation and experienced suffering just like you and me so that we would never suffer alone. We now have the opportunity to approach God with confidence because we know he is not distant and aloof. Instead Jesus knows exactly what we are going through because he voluntarily went through the same trials, temptations, sufferings, and worse. Jesus, by entering into our world and our suffering, is uniquely qualified to offer help and hope when we need it most. Therefore, rather than grieving alone, in Christ we “receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
~ Ryan Showalter in Grieving the Loss of Your Child
Jesus wept.
John 11:35 ESV
The Lord doesn’t dictate how we should grieve (other than with faith), so don’t let the expectations of others (or your own expectations) push you around. Likewise, do not impose your own experience of the grieving process on your children or on your husband’s friends or family.
It is my personal opinion (and perhaps it will not be a word of wisdom in some cultures) that it is okay to cry. Hebrews 5:7 describes Jesus as uttering “loud cries and tears.” When my husband was first diagnosed with terminal cancer, we made it a house rule from the outset that it was always okay to cry. Sometimes you won’t be able to keep from crying anyway, but granting yourself permission from the start might relieve some stress. Certainly do not stay at home or avoid people due to a fear that you might cry in public. Some people may be uncomfortable with tears, but they will survive. And they probably care enough about you to endure that awkwardness for your sake.
~ Elizabeth Groves in Becoming a Widow (also see Grief Undone)
Let’s not forget that our children also experience grief. Here are a few verses you can share with your kids as they struggle with sadness and loss.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Romans 12:15 ESV
Allow your child to grieve and lament. Linger with them in times of sadness. It is good to cry with them and cry out to the Lord alongside them. Scripture tells us to show love by weeping with those who weep (Romans 12:15). Do not be afraid that your child is not healing if they are sad. Expressing their sadness is helping them to heal. When we entrust our children to the Lord’s faithful care and comforting presence, we will gain the strength to watch them grieve (Isaiah 43:2).
~ Darby Strickland in Something Sad Happened
It is the Lord who goes before you.
He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.
Do not fear or be dismayed.
Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV
The grieving process is not something to be rushed. It requires a willingness to sit in a place of suffering. But you do not sit there alone. Your Savior is with you. He promises, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). He is “a man of sorrows” (Isaiah 53:3). He understands your pain, loss, and fears. He invites you to speak to him about your
grief and heartache because he wants to accompany you on your grief journey. He desires to walk alongside you, to uphold and uplift you.
~ Darby Strickland in Helping Your Family Grieve
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,
and death shall be no more,
neither shall there be mourning,
nor crying, nor pain anymore,
for the former things have passed away.
Revelation 21:4 ESV
When we trust in Jesus and ask him for forgiveness for our sins, heaven comes into view. There will be a day when sadness, crying, and death is ended. This is how the Bible describes that day, “I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.’ And the one sitting on the throne said, ‘Look, I am making everything new!’” (Revelation 21:3–5).
As you walk with your children through sadness and loss, keep heaven in view and remember together that a day is coming when there will be no more tears and sorrow. Share the gospel with your children and invite them to turn from going their own way and put their trust in Jesus. Then, even at a young age, they can become ambassadors who pray and care for others. Even children can taste something of the sufferings of Jesus, participate in his comfort, and share the hope of heaven and the good news of Jesus with their friends.
~ Ed Welch in Henry Says Good-Bye
For the LORD is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.
Psalm 100:5 ESV
The moon serves as a good illustration to teach our child(ren) about God’s goodness. Even when we cannot see the whole moon as it orbits the earth, the moon is always round. It’s the same with God’s goodness. There are times in our lives when things happen to us that make us question or doubt God’s goodness, like when someone in our family dies. But just because we cannot always see God’s goodness during difficult times, this does not mean that God is not good in those times. God is always good, even when we cannot see it, just like the moon is always round, even when we cannot see all of it.
~ Jonathan Gibson in The Moon Is Always Round
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies and God of all comfort who comforts
us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort
those who are in any affliction, with the comfort
with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV
You’ve heard the illustration about what flight attendants say concerning a flight emergency: “Adults, first put on your oxygen mask, and then put your child’s mask on them.” Without your oxygen mask, you’ll pass out and be of no help to your child. Likewise, if you’re not dealing with your own grief—in whatever losses you’re experiencing—you’ll be little help to your child. Recall 2 Corinthians 1:3–4: the God of all comfort, comforts you in all your troubles so that you can comfort those—like your child—in any trouble, with the overflow of the comfort you’ve received from God. The best comfort-givers are comfort-receivers from the God of all comfort.
~ Bob Kellemen in Grief and Your Child
