In the 1960s, British Christian psychiatrist Frank Lake noted in his book Clinical Theology that, “pastoral care is defective unless it can deal thoroughly both with the evils we have suffered as well as with the sins we have committed” (emphasis added). The modern biblical counseling movement has made tremendous strides in the past several decades in addressing both sin and suffering. Most biblical counselors now helpfully look at Christian counselees through the lens of saints who face suffering and battle against sin on their sanctification journey of growth in Christlikeness.
And yet, as I supervise counselors—whether experienced pastors or laypeople who are rookie counselors-in-training—I continue to detect a pattern of viewing fellow Christians predominantly through the grid of depravity and thinking of counseling primarily as “spotting idols of the heart.”
This one-dimensional lens can cause great harm. Recently while supervising a counselor during a live counseling session, I observed as the counselor listened as his male counselee talked about his responses to several life losses and ministry difficulties. Quite quickly, the counselor moved into idols of the heart, sharing, “It sounds to me like you have an idol of the heart of comfort and ease. Where can we look in Scripture to see how God wants you to repent of this heart idolatry?” Now, this was one possible thread to eventually address, but there seemed to me to be little factual evidence to draw this conclusion. Plus, the timing seemed wrong. I could sense the shame and confusion that this mature believer—who had served the Lord vocationally for decades—was experiencing in this moment. So I stepped in. We then began to co-counsel and explore the situation more fully—coming to understand that this brother was experiencing legitimate grief. This man’s sorrow over his suffering was the appropriate initial place to focus, not some assumed “idol of comfort.”
Follow-up counseling between this counselor and counselee led to some breakthrough times where the counselee was able to deeply and richly lament to the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. Interestingly, both the counselor and the counselee have since expressed how much more powerful their counseling ministry has become because they are now able to address issues of both sin and suffering.
Frank Lake describes what happens to counselees when counselors minimize suffering: “But, like Job, they complain of the comforters whose one-track minds have considered only the seriousness of sin, and not the gravity of grinding affliction.”If we fail to carefully self-assess our biblical counseling, we can become guilty of one-track “sin spotting.” Instead, let’s be comprehensive, compassionate biblical counselors who address the gravity of grinding affliction.
ADDRESSING SUFFERING ALSO ADDRESSES SIN
When I talk about addressing both sin and suffering, some people will raise the question, “Are you saying that our greatest problem is our brokenness and victimization, not our personal sinfulness?” That’s an important question that deserves careful consideration. What I am saying is summarized in the following points.
- Our greatest problem is sin.
- Our greatest need is Christ as our Savior from sin.
- Sin reveals itself in our sinning against God and against one another.
- When we sin against one another, we cause each other great suffering and pain.
- The Trinity models compassion, comfort, and empathy to those in suffering.
- The Scriptures command Christians to suffer with, weep with, empathize with, comfort, care for, and encourage one another in suffering.
- When we address suffering we are addressing sin—sin’s cosmic and personal impact.
Christ’s victory over sin was not only individual and personal but also corporate and cosmic. Christ died to dethrone sin. Christ died to defeat every vestige of sin, to obliterate every effect of sin—individual, personal, corporate, and cosmic—including death, suffering, tears, sorrow, mourning, crying, and pain.
That’s why John shares twice in Revelation the blessed promise that, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4; see also Revelation 7:17). Christ died to defeat every enemy and every evil, including the devil who holds the power of death (Hebrews 2:14–15) and the last enemy—suffering and death (1 Corinthians 15:25–26).
When we invite people to come to us with their grief and suffering, rather than ignoring or minimizing sin, we are actually emphasizing and addressing the deep impact of sin. That’s what Frank Lake meant when he said we must deal thoroughly both with the evils we have suffered and with the sins we have committed. Biblical counselors recognize that not all suffering is due to personal sin (compare Job 1–2 and John 9). Therefore, not all counseling focuses upon confrontation of the sins we have committed.
BIBLICAL COUNSELORS ARE PARAKALETIC COUNSELORS FOR THE SUFFERER
The Greek word parakaletic pictures a person called alongside to help another person in need. The Bible uses variants of this term more than 110 times in the New Testament. By comparison, it uses forms of the Greek word nouthetic (conveying the idea of confronting sin out of concern for change) eleven times in the New Testament. The Bible calls us to be both parakaletic comforters of the suffering and nouthetic care-fronters of those battling besetting sins—biblical counselors do not target sin and diminish suffering.
In John 14, John uses parakaletic when he describes the Holy Spirit as our Comforter/Counselor. He is our encouragement Counselor, called not simply alongside but inside us to help and comfort us after Jesus ascends to heaven. Likewise, we are to follow the Spirit’s parakaletic model. In 2 Corinthians 1:3–7, Paul uses various forms of the root word parakaletic ten times in five verses to describe the calling of the body of Christ to come alongside, empathize with, comfort, and encourage one another during times of affliction. God calls each of us to be parakaletic biblical counselors—biblical soul caregivers to those facing suffering and longing for biblical healing hope.
We live in a fallen world and it often falls on us. Biblical counselors gladly assume the role of encouragers to help a friend crushed by the weight of the world. As the Good Samaritan paused his journey and bloodied himself to care for a stranger’s suffering body, so soul caregivers move near to enter the mess and muck of a friend’s suffering soul. When we respond like this to suffering counselees, we can become to them a small picture of the infinite care of Christ. As we explore in the next chapter, our care points them to Christ’s care.
God calls us to develop the competency to be parakaletic comforters who minister to people suffering under the gravity of grinding affliction. Comfort is a powerful word in English as well as Greek. In English, it highlights co-fortitude—the idea that we are fortified when we stand together; we are strengthened when others weep with us and grieve with us (Romans 12:15). Shared sorrow is endurable sorrow.
We compassionately identify with people in pain. We reject the shallow pretense that denies suffering. Like Jeremiah, we lament. Like Paul, we groan for home. We’re out of the nest. East of Eden. We’re not home yet. We join our hurting spiritual friend in admitting that life is hard.
PARAKALETIC BIBLICAL COUNSELORS ARE CHRIST-CENTERED
We also insist that God is good. Therefore, we don’t direct people to ourselves. We shun their becoming dependent upon us. Instead, we redirect people to Christ and the body of Christ. We point suffering friends to their suffering Savior (Hebrews 4:14–16). We remind them what a Friend they have in Jesus.
What is the focus of our parakaletic biblical counseling for suffering? We sometimes miss the profound biblical truth that when we minister to a suffering person, our goal is not only to care for them but also to help them grow in Christ. We need to link our ministry to the suffering with the ministry of sanctification—growth in grace. Satan wants sufferers to think that when life is bad, God is bad too. We journey with sufferers as they seek a gospel-centered perspective that even when life is bad, God is good. We help suffering friends to find God even when they can’t find relief. They become more like Christ as they cling humbly to Christ.
Excerpted from Consider Your Counsel: Addressing Ten Mistakes in Our Biblical Counseling © 2021 by Bob Kellemen. Used with permission of New Growth Press. May not be reproduced without prior written permission.
Consider Your Counsel: Addressing Ten Mistakes in Our Biblical Counseling
Bob Kellemen comes alongside counselors and shares where he and others have missed the mark. Drawing on more than three decades of counseling supervision experience, he unpacks ten of the most common missteps that he has noticed in his own counseling, as well as those he has mentored.
