Did you think marriage was going to get easier? The early years can be difficult as you learn how to live together and manage the roles and expectations of being husband and wife, not to mention starting a family. However, the struggles don’t just end after ten, twenty, or thirty years—they change.
Life is different than it was on your wedding day years ago. You are different, your spouse is different, and so is your marriage. In the middle and later decades of life, we all face hardships we didn’t think about as young married couples such as maintaining relationships with adult children, planning for retirement, navigating health struggles, preventing marital monotony, and investing time into the lives of our grandchildren. In A Seasoned Marriage, Larry E. McCall helps couples in the second half of life navigate the unique challenges that arise with growing older together.
In this interview, we talk with Larry about the challenges and blessings for married couples as they age.
Q: A Seasoned Marriage is for married couples in their “second half” of life. Some may not want to admit they are quite there yet, so tell us more specifically who the book was written for.
The phrase “the second half of life” might sound a little uncomfortable at first, but the truth is, every one of us has a limited number of years. Moses reminded us in Psalm 90 that most of us will live seventy or eighty years, and perhaps a bit more if God grants the strength. So, what does that mean practically? If you are married and you’ve already celebrated your 40th birthday, this book is for you! For some readers, your silver anniversary is already in the rearview mirror, and your golden anniversary seems to be racing toward you. Or maybe your marriage itself is newer because you married later in life or after a previous marriage. Either way, if you and your spouse have most likely crossed the midpoint of your lifespan, you are right in the target audience for this book.
Q: We know that marriage isn’t necessarily supposed to be easier in the younger years, but what are some common misconceptions about marriage in the later years?
One common misconception about marriage in the later years is that it will automatically be easier than in the early years. In one sense, that’s true—those sleepless nights with crying infants or the stress of trying to establish careers and buying a first home are mostly behind us. Many couples no longer carry the heavy weight of proving themselves in the workforce or navigating the day with the seemingly constant demands of little ones. With that stage of life in the rearview mirror, it’s tempting to assume that the road ahead will be smooth and relatively free of the struggles that marked the earlier years of marriage.
But the later years come with their own set of challenges, ones that can be just as demanding in different ways. Instead of late-night feedings, we may now be awake worrying about adult children or grandchildren, especially if they don’t share our values or worldview. Financial questions don’t disappear either—they simply shift from “Can we afford to get established?” to “Will we outlive our nest egg?” Add to that the reality of aging bodies, health concerns, and the uncertainty of the future, and it’s clear that a seasoned marriage doesn’t guarantee ease. Rather than assuming the later years will be trouble-free, couples need to recognize the unique opportunities and challenges that come with this season of life.
Q: You write about the importance of viewing marriage through the lens of the gospel. How can couples practically apply this perspective in their daily lives? How does the gospel shape and sweeten the second half of our marriages?
In our early years, I often lived as though my ability to love my wife depended entirely on how well she was loving me. If her words, attention, or care didn’t meet my expectations, I felt justified in withholding love in return. But God used both Scripture and the living example of a faithful older friend to expose that faulty thinking. The gospel reminds us that we are not called to love our spouse based on performance or reciprocity, but out of the overflow of God’s unchanging, undeserved love for us in Christ. This means I don’t have to manipulate, pressure, or demand love from my wife; instead, I can go vertical—receiving God’s never-failing love each day—and then go horizontal, freely giving that love to her. That shift began to sweeten our marriage in very real ways, transforming duty into delight.
In the second half of marriage, because of the gospel, we can confess that our greatest problem in marriage is not our spouse’s shortcomings, but our own sinfulness, which fosters humility rather than blame. The gospel continues to shape and sweeten life together by reminding us and empowering us to treat our spouse the way Christ treats us. We extend to our spouse the graces and gifts Christ has shown us: humility, forgiveness, acceptance, patience, service, and most of all, love. These truths do not just “theoretically” improve a marriage—they breathe new life into it, making the later years a season of deeper sweetness and gospel-shaped joy. “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19) is not only a verse for the wedding day but a sustaining anchor for every season that follows.
Q: Once the kids have left the house, then retirement comes, it’s easy to fall into marital monotony. What can couples do to avoid that trap?
When couples reach the empty nest years, it’s easy to drift into monotony if their marriage has been left unattended for too long. The busyness of raising children and building careers often pushes marital closeness into the background, and when those responsibilities fade, many couples discover they feel more like roommates than partners. The joy, fun, and intimacy they once knew can seem like distant memories, leaving them to wonder, “How did we drift so far apart?” But God never designed marriage to be lived out of mere duty. In Ephesians 5, Paul reminds us that our marriages are meant to reflect the love of Christ for his bride, the church. That vision calls us out of passivity and awakens us to pursue renewal.
Avoiding marital monotony in the second half of life isn’t about trying harder in our own strength; it’s about letting the gospel reshape our hearts and habits. The grace of God trains us to repent of self-centeredness, to forgive freely, and to move toward our spouses in love. Practically, that means confessing our sins to one another, listening with genuine care, making time to share life, and rekindling delight in each other. Even small daily choices such as sharing meals, praying together, saying “I love you,” or honoring one another with words and actions can close the gap that years of neglect may have opened. As we lean into the gospel, our marriages not only become sweeter for us but also shine as a testimony to our children, grandchildren, and the watching world that Christ’s love is real and powerful enough to sustain joy in marriage all the way to the finish line.
Q: After the time of caring for children often comes the period of caring for aging parents. What advice do you offer for balancing the challenges of honoring parents while maintaining a healthy marriage?
Caring for aging parents is a season of life that can test both our endurance and our marriage. God’s command to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12) has no expiration date. Honoring our parents in their later years requires wisdom, patience, and compassion. Elderly parents often need help that grows over time—from functional support like bathing, dressing, and managing medications, to emotional and spiritual care as they face losses in health, independence, and social connections. Couples can navigate this demanding season by relying on the gospel: God empowers us to serve with love, humility, and empathy, reflecting Christ even when caregiving feels exhausting. Engaging extended family, trusted friends, and church resources can also lighten the load, allowing the caregiving burden to be shared rather than shouldered by one spouse alone.
Maintaining a healthy marriage amid elder care requires intentionality and teamwork. Husbands, especially, can honor Christ by actively supporting their wives if they are serving as the primary caregiver—taking initiative to handle household responsibilities, providing encouragement, and offering spiritual and emotional support. Couples can also find joy together by seizing opportunities to stay connected as husband and wife: a shared meal, a brief outing, or simply time to pray and reflect together. Communication is key, as is keeping the marriage a priority even while honoring parents. By serving both parents and spouse with love and respect, couples not only fulfill God’s commands but also model Christlike care, creating a legacy of grace, patience, and unity across generations.
Q: The role of grandparents in leaving a legacy of faith is a topic that is very important to you. What does it mean to be an intentional grandparent?
Being an intentional grandparent means embracing God’s calling to actively invest in the spiritual, emotional, and relational development of our grandchildren. It requires deliberate effort to enter into their world with love, guidance, and example. Scripture calls us to pass on the faith from one generation to the next, as seen in passages like Deuteronomy 4:9 and Psalm 78:4, 7, which emphasize the importance of teaching God’s truth and demonstrating His power to our children and grandchildren. Intentional grandparents prioritize creating meaningful interactions, whether through daily life experiences, shared activities, or thoughtful conversations, always aiming to model a life rooted in Christ. This intentionality requires a proactive mindset, ensuring that our grandchildren experience God’s grace and guidance through both our words, our actions, and our examples.
Intentional grandparenting also involves inviting grandchildren into our lives in ways that allow them to learn, grow, and flourish spiritually and practically. It means taking the time to participate in their interests, celebrate their accomplishments, and guide them through challenges, while demonstrating Christlike character in everyday interactions. Intentional grandparents affirm and encourage, point out God’s work in their lives, and model a faith-filled marriage, showing how God’s grace sustains relationships over time. By deliberately creating these moments and embracing opportunities to influence our grandchildren for God’s glory, we leave a lasting legacy—a “torch of faith” that can inspire them to set their hope in God, pursue life boldly for Christ, and carry forward the faith we have lived out for them.
Q: What does it mean to have a purposeful and fruitful retirement? What are some ways that couples can serve together in their seasoned years?
From a Christian perspective, purposeful and fruitful retirement goes far beyond simply leaving a career behind or indulging in a 52-week-per-year vacation. Retirement is an opportunity to redirect the energy, skills, and experience accumulated over a lifetime toward serving God and blessing others. Married couples can view retirement as a new beginning—a season to discern God’s calling for this stage of life. Whether it’s building homes with Habitat for Humanity, participating in mission trips, volunteering at a local church, or offering prayer and encouragement to family and community, there are countless ways to remain fruitful and impactful. Even in later years, when physical limitations might restrict some activities, couples can still share the love of Christ through ministries of prayer, words of encouragement, and mentoring the younger generations.
Serving together in these seasoned years strengthens both marriage and ministry. Couples can dedicate intentional time to prayer, conversation, and reflection, seeking to understand how God wants them to use their shared gifts and passions. They can explore the needs of family, church, and community, aligning their efforts with God’s purposes. Retirement also allows couples to practice rest and renewal, recognizing that rest is a God-given rhythm that sustains long-term service. By embracing this focus of honoring God by caring for others, couples not only enrich their own lives but leave a legacy of love, faith, and service that will inspire generations to come. In essence, retirement becomes less about stepping back and more about stepping forward into a life of joyful, purposeful fruitfulness together.
Q: As we advance in age, the “in sickness and in health” wedding vow really starts to come into play. In your chapter on accepting physical changes, why do you focus on discussing a biblical view of the body?
As we advance in age, the physical realities of our long-ago “in sickness and in health” wedding vow come into sharper focus, making it all the more important to view our bodies through the lens of God’s Word. A biblical perspective reminds us that our physical decline is not random or meaningless, but the result of humanity’s fall into sin. Wrinkles, weakened strength, and diminished capacities are sobering reminders that we live in a broken world, and yet they also point us to our need for Christ, who has promised to redeem not only our souls but also our bodies. By seeing our aging bodies as part of God’s larger redemptive story, we can face the challenges of decline without despair, groaning not in hopelessness but in anticipation of the promised resurrection (Romans 8:23).
At the same time, a biblical view of the body helps seasoned couples steward their physical health with balance. Instead of neglecting their bodies as though they don’t matter or idolizing them as though they are ultimate, Christians recognize that God designed our bodies, dwells within them by His Spirit, and will one day raise them in glory. This truth shapes how husbands and wives care not only for their own bodies but also for each other’s, living out their vows with compassion and sacrificial love. Acts of daily service—helping a spouse with medication, aiding in mobility, or even offering the tender reassurance of physical affection—are elevated beyond mere duty; they become spiritual acts of stewardship and expressions of Christlike love. In this way, even the limitations of aging bodies become opportunities to glorify God and deepen marital love.
Q: How has writing this book impacted your own marriage?
My wife, Gladine, walked alongside me step-by-step over the two years of researching, writing, and editing A Seasoned Marriage. I read about 30 books related to the topics that I wrote about in the book. As I would be doing my research, I would often come across statistics, observations, or ideas that gripped my thoughts. I would often say, “Gladine, listen to this!” or “What do you think about this?” The conversations that would ensue gave us reason to pause and evaluate our own marriage, even as we approached our 50th anniversary. We grew closer over the whole process. Even though I am the author, Gladine’s fingerprints are on this book, too. It was a project we took on together, and the Lord used that process to shape and sweeten our own marriage.
A Seasoned Marriage
Life is different than it was on your wedding day years ago. You are different, your spouse is different, and so is your marriage. In the middle and later decades of life, we all face situations we didn’t think about as young married couples such as maintaining relationships with adult children, planning for retirement, navigating health struggles, preventing marital monotony, and investing time into the lives of our grandchildren. Larry McCall helps couples in the second half of life navigate the unique challenges that arise with growing older together.
